Editor’s Note: This issue shares my transition to Vanderbilt Divinity School and my commitment to Womanist Theological learning. I share parts of my story and my reason for switching seminaries halfway through my program. Out of this exploration is why The Conflicted Womanist exists.
I’m thrilled to share that I’ll be transferring to Vanderbilt Divinity School to continue my MDiv degree this fall on a full-ride scholarship! I’m glad to expand in and exercise my understanding of womanist theology through practice at Vanderbilt.
This was the caption I shared on social media, but the story was not complete.
“Ask, Seek, Knock” is probably the best way to describe this entire process from start to finish. Since November 2020, this season of reflecting, adjusting, and applying has blown my mind. Let me share with you how.
Ask
I’m reaching the end of my degree program in conflict analysis & resolution. And now, at the halfway point of my divinity program, there’s much on my mind. I’ve been thinking about what it means to experience internal and external conflicts in our lives continually.
I’ve mourned the harm caused by those who profess to be Christians against our Black siblings and siblings of color. I’ve grieved over the misogynoir, sexism and patriarchal damage that deems women, and particularly Black women, as less than and unworthy in all facets of life. So I’ve divested from that form of Christianity that believes it is ok to exclude, subjugate, and impede robust living for all.
With all of that, I think about what it means to be Black, a woman, and Christian, and how often the latter, when inappropriately applied, inhibits the fullness of the first two.
Yet I still have hope? The question mark is intentional as that’s where the inner conflict resides. Hope that even in this darkness, newness can emerge. Hope that God who created Black women also adores, cherishes, affirms, and asserts our existence in a world that believes otherwise.
Can the same place that caused harm also bring life? I do not think so. However, that does not mean that we cannot create new ways to practice faith. That is the medium where I find myself and join with others who are already making those explorations.
What does it mean to be Black, woman, amongst other identities, in a world that does not honor our existence? What does it mean to also experience those same conflictions in our identities in faith spaces? What would our world look like, where our lives are cherished and cared for at our core? How can we be expected to live our lives as “normal” human beings while being in a state of perpetual mourning, trauma, and grief?
Using these questions in my reflective time is what led to the creation of The Conflicted Womanist. Because this is a space “to bring the layered experiences of Black women to the forefront so they can heal and show up authentically in their everyday lives, relationships, and community.”
Seek
Reflection, theory, and action go hand-in-hand. And so as I’ve reached the point in my reflection and theory journey where I could no longer continue at my previous seminary, I knew at that moment I needed to switch where I learned from so that my actions could fully align.
I applied to Vanderbilt as a cold shot. No other seminary did I apply to. And in a matter of four days: searching, researching, requesting recommendations, and praying, I sent in my application on January 15, 2021.
Why Vanderbilt? Because VDS is one of the top institutions for Womanist Theological learning, which is what I exactly planned to focus on.
Womanist theology is a commitment to centering the religious and moral perspectives and lived experiences of Black women. This commitment is not for personal “consumption” alone, but ultimately for the restructuring and advancement of our community.
To imagine and actualize. To address and heal. To hope and feel. My journey of studying Womanism and Conflict Resolution is and will be a lifetime commitment to the richness of our lives. I truly desire to partake in the transformation of the conflicts we see today.
Knock
March 1 was when I got the notification that I got into Vanderbilt and received an 80% scholarship! I was excited. But here was the part of putting to practice some of my skills learned from my conflict resolution program - negotiation. I drafted, typed, deleted, typed again, deleted again, and finally clicked sent. I took the chance to negotiate my scholarship package. I asked for a 10% increase in my package.
The days in-between were nerve-wracking as I checked and refreshed my email several times a day for an update. Did I single-handedly ruin what could have been the best opportunity? Yet, I also needed to exercise my voice, even if it was the best opportunity in front of me.
So, they got back to me and told me that there were no modifications available for my scholarship package at the time. To which I was glad that I even spoke up.
But then!
On a Friday afternoon, I got an email notification that they modified my scholarship package, and there it was - a full-ride scholarship! Twice over what I thought I could receive. Though the story ends here, I will soon begin my time at Vanderbilt and watch in real-time the unfolding of this entire experience.
Tell It Anyway
“Black women in America are morally bound to be justice-seeking, whole human beings. Even in the face of being told, sometimes relentlessly so, that we are less whole, that we are less than human. Don’t believe that lie. Don’t live our lives in a lie. We cannot live our lives in the folds of old wounds. It’s not healthy. It’s not life-giving. It doesn’t bring in justice. It doesn’t bring in the next generation.”
- Dr Emilie Townes, Journey to Liberation: The Legacy of Womanist Theology
-Until next time