[QUIZ]: What's Your Conflict Mode Style?
Your results may surprise you...
Welcome to The Conflicted Womanist, a newsletter grounded in womanism and conflict resolution, primarily for Black women, to address and transform the conflicts in their lives. This issue takes a closer look at our conflict styles. How do we manage and resolve conflicts in our personal lives, our workplace, and our communities? You may know your enneagram number, your DISC results, or your Myers-Briggs personality type, but do you know your conflict mode style? Your results may surprise you...find out below.
Ready to begin?
This Thomas-Killmann conflict mode instrument assessment has 30 pairs of statements to describe possible behavior responses. Whether in your personal life, your workplace, your platonic/romantic relationships, or in your communities, how would you respond in these situations?
What Do My Results Mean?
Accommodating
This style often puts aside their own needs and desires to fit the other person’s requests or demands.
Accommodating may work best when there’s a high value placed on your relationship with the other party or when the outcome is of low importance to you but high importance to the other party. This style can help build long-term relationships.
Accommodating may not work when it leads a person to be taken advantage of, when it supports “privilege,” or violates one’s values.
Particularly for Black women, you may other put the needs and desires of others before yours - have you thought about yourself lately?
Avoiding
This conflict style often withdraws or steps away from a conflict, whether to prevent or postpone the conflict.
Avoidance works best to allow emotions and reactions to cool and provide thinking space to address the conflict at a better time fully. This conflict style works best when situations are not yet ready for resolution or when no progress can be made. In other words, avoiders pay keen attention to timing and environment to make their decision.
Avoidance does not work best when there are unresolved and prolonged issues at hand. This conflict style does not work well if there are time constraints or when the avoidance itself causes the conflict to escalate.
As you know, the racial injustice, sexism, homophobia, and all forms of systemic deprivation that we see in the United States didn’t just start today. Avoiding addressing these longstanding conflicts has done more harm than good. And we can see why.
Compromising
This conflict style leads to resolve conflicts quickly or when both parties are flexible towards the results.
Compromising works best when the possibility exists for everyone to go away with something. Both sides are heard, and both sides can feel heard.
Compromising does not work best when one or more parties do not exhibit trust or are unwilling to be flexible.
When was the last time you felt safe to compromise with another?
Competing
This conflict style seeks to win their position at the expense of the other party losing theirs.
Competing works best for those who are naturally competitive and enjoy winning guaranteed outcomes.
Competing does not work best when one party loses all or when relationships become harmed. Competing does not work when there’s a decline in morality around decision-making, when parties were promised collaboration, when the results could be unethical or illegal, or when sensitivity towards emotional issues is needed for situations.
Competing can sometimes get a negative rap. However, for Black women today, this may look like negotiating for increased salaries, applying for the job/school/position, or holding firm on our needs and desires in our platonic/romantic relationships, no matter what. Being an audacious woman. We love to see it.
Collaborating
This conflict style cooperates with the other party to resolve a common problem to a mutually satisfying outcome. In the end, every side must feel that the outcomes gained through collaboration are better than they could have achieved on their own.
Collaborating works best to support a win-win outcome. These style results are more lasting and sustainable, and parties see their input in the end. Collaborating is both an empowering and team-generated conflict style and works best when innovation is desired, stakeholders are diverse, or relationships need to be preserved.
Collaborating does not work best during short time frames or high-stake situations (life and death, threats, attacks, etc.).
When was the last time you experienced a win-win situation?
So, did your results surprise you?
After taking this assessment twice, I found that my styles are a healthy mix of accommodation, avoidance, and competition. This may change in a few months, we’ll see!
Before you go!
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To learn more about the Thomas Killman Conflict Mode Instrument Assessment, click here.
Ok, ok, one more thing
If you want to discuss any of the ideas shared above or have any resources (books, articles, topics, videos, or links) that you think would be interesting to chat about for a future issue of The Conflicted Womanist, please let me know by replying to this email.
With love and warmth,
Chinyere